filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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