I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm having to shit out rocks
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