If i come over, it means nothing
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My bed smells like the plague
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
