Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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