feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
