I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
