I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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