I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
