At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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