she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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