I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
