So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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