I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had to cum in my sink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
