So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
where am i from again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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