so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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