I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
