Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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