its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
