Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
