Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
