How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This house was built for laser tag.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
