what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
