I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
