yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
