maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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