why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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