ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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