Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You are the jesus of drinking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
