I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
