so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
