This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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