She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
