Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
