what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
