he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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