Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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