I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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