Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
