I swear she didn't look like that last week.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I AM VODKA MAN
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
