do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
