the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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