you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
