Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
