dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
