I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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