??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize