FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we're so committed to being not committed
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