Heybabeimwearingurpanties
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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