She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
