; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
