I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
