Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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