how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
