ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
