wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
