What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
