Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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