She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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