Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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