i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
