Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
