i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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