Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
