I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
