me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
