I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
