He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
