Sry I called you an 8
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
