Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
