I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
