how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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