I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
