When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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