Your mouth is God's brothel.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize