it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
