I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
