Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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