If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
