Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
