On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So. Much. Porn.
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