Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
the raccoons are back...
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