I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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