I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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