Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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