its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize