I am puke
my shit smells like andre
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your cock deserves a montage
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
