i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
