I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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