I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
