she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
